by Deborah Tannen
The Washington Post, July 15, 2007, p. B07
copyright Deborah Tannen
It's no surprise that a one-page article published this month in the
journal Science inspired innumerable newspaper columns and articles. The
study, by Matthias Mehl and four colleagues, claims to lay to rest, once and
for all, the stereotype that women talk more than men, by proving --
scientifically -- that women and men talk equally.
The notion that women talk more was reinforced last year when Louann
Brizendine's "The Female Brain" cited the finding that women utter, on
average, 20,000 words a day, men 7,000. (Brizendine later disavowed the
statistic, as there was no study to back it up.) Mehl and his colleagues
outfitted 396 college students with devices that recorded their speech. The
female subjects spoke an average of 16,215 words a day, the men 15,669. The
difference is insignificant. Case closed.
Or is it? Can we learn who talks more by counting words. No, according to a
forthcoming article surveying 70 studies of gender differences in
talkativeness. (Imagine -- 70 studies published in scientific journals, and
we're still asking the question.) In their survey, Campbell Leaper and Melanie
Ayres found that counting words yielded no consistent differences, though
number of words per speaking turn did (Men, on average, used more).
This doesn't surprise me. In my own research on gender and language, I quickly
surmised that to understand who talks more, you have to ask: What's the
situation? What are the speakers using words for?
The following experience conveys the importance of situation. I was addressing
a small group in a suburban Virginia living room. One man stood out because he
talked a lot, while his wife, who was sitting beside him, said nothing at all.
I described to the group a complaint common among women about men they live
with: At the end of a day she tells him what happened, what she thought and
how she felt about it. Then she asks, "How was your day?" -- and is
disappointed when he replies, "Fine," "Nothing much" or "Same old rat race."
The loquacious man spoke up. "You're right," he said. Pointing to his wife, he
added, "She's the talker in our family." Everyone laughed. But he explained,
"It's true. When we come home, she does all the talking. If she didn't, we'd
spend the evening in silence."
The "how was your day?" conversation typifies the kind of talk women tend to
do more of: spoken to intimates and focusing on personal experience, your own
or others'. I call this "rapport-talk." It contrasts with "report-talk" --
giving or exchanging information about impersonal topics, which men tend to do
more.
Studies that find men talking more are usually carried out in formal
experiments or public contexts such as meetings. For example, Marjorie Swacker
observed an academic conference where women presented 40 percent of the papers
and were 42 percent of the audience but asked only 27 percent of the
questions; their questions were, on average, also shorter by half than the
men's questions. And David and Myra Sadker showed that boys talk more in
mixed-sex classrooms -- a context common among college students, a factor
skewing the results of Mehl's new study.
Many men's comfort with "public talking" explains why a man who tells his wife
he has nothing to report about his day might later find a funny story to tell
at dinner with two other couples (leaving his wife wondering, "Why didn't he
tell me first?").
In addition to situation, you have to consider what speakers are doing with
words. Campbell and Ayres note that many studies find women doing more "affiliative
speech" such as showing support, agreeing or acknowledging others' comments.
Drawing on studies of children at play as well as my own research of adults
talking, I often put it this way: For women and girls, talk is the glue that
holds a relationship together. Their best friend is the one they tell
everything to. Spending an evening at home with a spouse is when this kind of
talk comes into its own. Since this situation is uncommon among college
students, it's another factor skewing the new study's results.
Women's rapport-talk probably explains why many people think women talk more.
A man wants to read the paper, his wife wants to talk; his girlfriend or
sister spends hours on the phone with her friend or her mother. He concludes:
Women talk more.
Yet Leaper and Ayres observed an overall pattern of men speaking more. That's
a conclusion women often come to when men hold forth at meetings, in social
groups or when delivering one-on-one lectures. All of us -- women and men --
tend to notice others talking more in situations where we talk less.
Counting may be a start -- or a stop along the way -- to understanding gender
differences. But it's understanding when we tend to talk and what we're doing
with words that yields insights we can count on.
Deborah Tannen is professor of linguistics at Georgetown University and author
of "You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation." Her most recent
book is "You're Wearing THAT? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in
Conversation."